During my second year of graduate school, my boyfriend casually remarked that he wanted his future wife to stay at home with their children. My jaw literally dropped. I was both astounded and appalled. He couldn’t be serious. We had just had our first big discussion about the future of our relationship, and it was clear to both of us that we would be getting married. The only detail to decide was the timing — I had suggested the summer after we both advanced to candidacy, so that we could be married by the time we went on the job market.
.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3ESlowly%20my%20attitude%20began%20to%20change.%20The%20initial%20shock%20and%20horror%20melted%20away%20as%20I%20contemplated%20a%20future%20in%20which%20I%20didn%E2%80%99t%20have%20to%20work.%20This%20was%20a%20luxury%20I%20had%20never%20even%20considered.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EBut%20wouldn%E2%80%99t%20I%20be%20bored?%20Surely%20I%E2%80%99d%20be%20bored.%20Trapped%20in%20the%20house%20with%20no%20adult%20interaction,%20and%20then%20waking%20up%20twenty%20years%20later%20with%20no%20marketable%20skills%20when%20I%20could%20finally%20start%20working.%20Who%20would%20want%20to%20hire%20a%20PhD%20who%E2%80%99d%20been%20out%20of%20the%20field%20for%20so%20long%20that%20there%20would%20be%20no%20way%20for%20her%20to%20catch%20up?%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EDespite%20these%20doubts,%20my%20heart%20continued%20to%20soften%20to%20the%20idea.%20I%20loved%20kids%20and%20had%20always%20hoped%20for%20a%20large%20family.%20In%20fact,%20I%20had%20worked%20in%20childcare%20for%20the%20past%20several%20summers%20and%20had%20wanted%20to%20be%20a%20teacher%20since%20I%20was%20in%20school.%20Now%20I%20began%20to%20discern%20how%20my%20past%20experiences%20had%20actually%20been%20priming%20me%20for%20motherhood.%20One%20of%20my%20best%20friends%20at%20our%20new%20home%20was%20a%20stay-at-home%20mom%20who%20taught%20at%20a%20community%20college%20on%20the%20weekends.%20I%20began%20to%20contemplate%20this%20and%20other%20flexible%20career%20options%20that%20would%20allow%20me%20to%20care%20for%20our%20children%20while%20still%20keeping%20a%20foot%20in%20my%20field.%3C/p%3E%3Ch2%3EThe%20Reaction%3C/h2%3E%3Cp%3EI%20was%20six%20months%20pregnant%20when%20I%20defended%20my%20dissertation.%20When%20people%20asked%20me%20about%20my%20plans%20after%20graduation,%20I%20was%20always%20intentionally%20enthusiastic%20in%20telling%20them%20that%20I%20was%20going%20to%20stay%20at%20home%20and%20raise%20our%20baby.%20My%20confidence%20and%20joy%20were%20usually%20enough%20to%20deflect%20the%20surprised,%20%E2%80%9CSo%20you%E2%80%99re%20not%20doing%20anything%20with%20your%20degree?%E2%80%9D%20That%20accusation%20did%20come,%20but%20thankfully%20it%20was%20never%20uttered%20maliciously.%20It%20was%20more%20of%20a%20wondrous%20tone,%20when%20the%20aunt%20or%20church%20member%20or%20neighbor%20couldn%E2%80%99t%20quite%20grasp%20why%20a%20smart%20young%20woman%20would%20get%20her%20PhD%20and%20not%20do%20anything%20with%20it.%20I%20didn%E2%80%99t%20really%20mind.%20After%20all,%20I%20had%20been%20there%20myself.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20had%20come%20to%20realize,%20however,%20that%20I%20would%20be%20using%20my%20degree.%20Not%20the%20specific%20subject%20matter,%20of%20course,%20but%20graduate%20school%20is%20about%20much%20more%20than%20your%20thesis%20topic.%20Graduate%20school%20teaches%20you%20how%20to%20research,%20how%20to%20ask%20good%20questions%20and%20find%20solid%20answers%20%E2%80%94%C2%A0essentially%20graduate%20school%20teaches%20you%20how%20to%20think.%C2%A0%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20had%20learned%20how%20much%20I%20loved%20research,%20and%20you%20should%20have%20seen%20the%20extent%20to%20which%20I%20researched%20childbirth%20and%20parenting!%20There%E2%80%99s%20a%20vast%20amount%20of%20information%20out%20there,%20and%20I%20loved%20digging%20beneath%20it%20to%20find%20the%20actual%20studies,%20using%20the%20skills%20I%E2%80%99d%20honed%20in%20graduate%20school%20to%20skim%20and%20read%20critically%20and%20ultimately%20conclude%20what%20was%20best%20for%20our%20family.%20Thanks%20to%20this,%20I%20was%20incredibly%20confident%20as%20a%20new%20mother.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20believe%20that%20one%20of%20the%20greatest%20lessons%20you%20learn%20in%20graduate%20school%20is%20perseverance%20--%20plugging%20along%20towards%20your%20long-term%20goal.%20It%E2%80%99s%20important%20to%20persevere%20when%20things%20fall%20apart,%20whether%20you%E2%80%99re%20dealing%20with%20a%20major%20wrench%20in%20your%20research%20or%20a%20child%E2%80%99s%20major%20meltdown%20in%20the%20grocery%20store.%20Perseverance%20comes%20in%20handy%20when%20you%20do%20the%20same%20mundane%20activities%20day%20in%20and%20day%20out,%20whether%20that%20be%20tedious%20data%20analysis%20or%20reading%20the%20same%20book%20for%20the%20thirty-seventh%20time%20that%20day.%20Perseverance%20is%20necessary%20when%20dealing%20with%20difficult%20people,%20whether%20you%E2%80%99re%20calling%20your%20flaky%20advisor%20for%20the%20fifth%20time%20or%20reminding%20your%20toddler%20of%20the%20rules%20for%20the%20fifth%20time.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20came%20to%20realize%20that%20I%20would%20use%20the%20skills%20I%E2%80%99d%20honed%20in%20graduate%20school.%20It%E2%80%99s%20almost%20impossible%20not%20to.%20Even%20after%20I%20recognized%20that%20graduate%20school%20was%20not%20a%20waste%20of%20my%20time,%20I%20knew%20that%20some%20people%20would%20think%20it%20was%20a%20waste%20of%20money.%20In%20particular,%20people%20outside%20of%20academia%20would%20assume%20that%20I%20had%20a%20large%20amount%20of%20student%20loans.%20But%20like%20so%20many%20doctoral%20students,%20I%20was%20paid%20to%20go%20to%20school%20(not%20much,%20of%20course,%20but%20enough%20to%20get%20by)%20and%20thanks%20to%20good%20scholarships%20and%20generous%20parents,%20I%20had%20made%20it%20to%20this%20point%20free%20of%20debt.%3C/p%3E%3Ch2%3EThe%20Real%20Question%3C/h2%3E%3Cp%3EQuestions%20about%20whether%20graduate%20school%20was%20a%20waste%20of%20time%20or%20money%20are%20certainly%20valid.%20But%20there%20is%20one%20question%20much%20more%20important%20than%20that:%20what%20is%20Jesus%20calling%20you%20to%20do?%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EIt%20was%20abundantly%20clear%20to%20me%20that%20graduate%20school%20was%20God%E2%80%99s%20plan%20for%20me.%20Now%20I%E2%80%99ve%20moved%20into%20a%20different%20season.%20It%E2%80%99s%20not%20what%20everyone%20is%20called%20to%20do.%20It%E2%80%99s%20not%20what%20I%20expected%20to%20be%20doing.%20And%20it%E2%80%99s%20wonderful.%20I%20don%E2%80%99t%20know%20how%20many%20times%20I%20have%20thanked%20both%20my%20husband%20and%20the%20Lord%20for%20getting%20me%20here.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EAt%20two%20years%20into%20this,%20I%20haven%E2%80%99t%20been%20bored%20yet.%20Lonely,%20yes%20%E2%80%94%C2%A0but%20then%20God%20provided%20me%20with%20friends.%20Challenged,%20yes%20%E2%80%94%C2%A0but%20then%20God%20reminded%20me%20of%20that%20perseverance%20and%20brought%20me%20through.%20I%20have%20been%20able%20to%20take%20on%20a%20variety%20of%20other%20projects%20that%20I%20would%20not%20have%20been%20able%20to%20tackle%20if%20working%20outside%20the%20home,%20from%20domestic%20pursuits%20to%20leading%20an%20organization%20in%20our%20archdiocese.%C2%A0%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20was%20recently%20offered%20an%20opportunity%20to%20do%20some%20online%20teaching%20for%20a%20Master%E2%80%99s%20level%20program.%20It%20was%20the%20opportunity%20I%20had%20been%20holding%20out%20for%20since%20I%E2%80%99d%20first%20accepted%20the%20idea%20of%20being%20an%20at-home%20mom.%20Yet%20now%20that%20it%20was%20within%20my%20grasp,%20I%20was%20not%20at%20peace%20with%20it.%20So%20with%20a%20large%20gulp,%20I%20passed%20on%20it.%20It%20was%20time%20for%20me%20to%20practice%20trust.%20If%20the%20Lord%20wants%20me%20to%20work%20in%20my%20field%20of%20study,%20He%20will%20provide%20me%20with%20another%20opportunity%20to%20do%20so.%20Right%20now%20He%20is%20not%20calling%20me%20to%20that.%20And%20I%20want%20to%20be%20where%20He%20wants%20me%20to%20be.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EAm%20I%20wasting%20my%20education?%20I%20don%E2%80%99t%20think%20so,%20but%20the%20question%20really%20is%20immaterial%20to%20me%20at%20this%20point.%20The%20important%20question%20is,%20am%20I%20following%20where%20I%20am%20being%20called?%20Right%20now%20I%20can%20answer%20yes.%20And%20thanks%20to%20that,%20I%20can%20let%20the%20question%20of%20waste%20just%20roll%20off%20my%20back.%3C/p%3E%3C/body%3E%3C/html%3E)
