Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Several years ago, just a few months after my husband had passed away, I had an unexpectedly delightful Valentine’s Day. That year a grad student couple, good friends of mine and excellent cooks, invited me to have a Valentine’s Day dinner with them. Their invitation transformed the week. Instead of dreading the calendar reminder of the emptiness I would experience, I had the cheer of looking forward to a delicious meal with friends who cared enough to include me in what is often a “couples only” celebration.
The next year, with three single women living in my house, we decided to throw a no-holds-barred supper party. We put out the invitation: “If you don’t have plans for Valentine’s Day, come for dinner. Dress up. We’ll have candles, wine, hors d’oeuvres, a sit-down dinner, and chocolate fondue for dessert.” It helped that Valentine’s Day was on a Saturday. By mid-week, three people had responded. But by Friday, we had twenty-five RSVPs saying, “I’m in!” It was a delightful time.
We would like to encourage any of our readers who might be ambivalent about Valentine’s Day. We polled some of our writers at The Well who have written about being single and asked them what they would suggest for a Valentine’s Day celebration in lieu of a romantic date.
Here are some of their suggestions:
- Have a great meal at home with friends — have everyone bring a dish or pitch in and cook together. Our writer suggests plenty of wine as well. Or have good pizza and watch a romantic movie. Her advice — just don’t be alone.
- Get together with a friend and go to a special restaurant. Pay for each other’s meal. You get taken out to a special place you might not consider going to otherwise and you get it at half the cost of a couple.
- Have a red, pink, and white party — come in red, pink, and/or white, and bring something red, pink, and/or white to share (wine, brownies with red hots, champagne, lasagna . . . it can be a fun spread!)
- Spend the evening making truffles. Do your own Internet or cookbook search for exotic recipes, imagine your own flavor combinations, or visit a neighborhood chocolatier to get ideas. This is a fun project to do with others and you go home with a delicious reminder of the evening.
- Get together with a few friends and plan a larger party. Send out invitations to a broad group. Make it festive: ask guests to dress up and then provide (with their help if needed) plenty of candles and good food and drink. Consider having appetizers, the main meal, and dessert in different rooms to encourage guests to mingle. For a sit down dinner, be bold and assign seats with creative name cards. Give thanks before your meal — God has placed us in communities and the people around us are his gifts to us.
- Get a bunch of girlfriends together for a Valentine’s Day party. Wrap up something you would like to get from a guy in your life and do a White Elephant gift exchange. As our writer says, just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’ve given up on your femininity.
- Embrace the joy of the day (adapted for Valentine’s Day from a Christmas post at the fast.pray. blog). Don’t wait for a husband or boyfriend to come along; buy yourself some flowers, scour a resale shop for some vintage jewelry, eat chocolate. Enjoy the traditions of the day now, whatever stage of life you are in.
- Make a list of all the ways God and people have loved you. It’s amazing what that exercise in and of itself can do.
- Do something for someone else. Invite someone out you expect doesn’t have plans — a recent widow, a divorced mom, single friends. Give a rose or a bouquet to someone who may not receive flowers. Send cards. It’s a great day to celebrate the people we love.
- Make time to spend with God. Your to-do list may be a mile long, but carve out time to be alone with the Lord. He longs to refresh and comfort you. Consider Zechariah 3:17, Psalm 45:1-17, or Psalm 23:1-6. Valentine’s Day is about sharing love. Let God share his love with you.
A Note to Couples:
For Valentine’s day, you might plan a gathering (small or large) such as those listed in 1, 3, 4, and 5 above and include single folks in your invitation. Nurturing friendships with people who are not married can be a joy to all. This is easier to do in some settings (such as a university-based church) than others, but if you find yourselves as a couple only spending time with other couples, you are missing out on some very interesting people. Ask someone from church to join you and your spouse for lunch after worship. Invite single people in for a movie night. If you have kids, invite singles to spend time with you as a family. Everyone benefits.
Do you have alternative plans for Valentine’s Day? We’d love to hear from you!
