I had the privilege of participating in a University-wide leadership development program during the year I was being considered for tenure. I had been recruited to apply, given my history of growing responsibility and leadership within the University and award-winning community engagement activities. At first, I wasn’t sure if I should apply for the program. I was growing uneasy with my career goal of gaining tenure at a research university, which I seemed very likely to achieve.
I had been told as a doctoral student that the most important thing is to get your first tenure-track job. It didn’t matter if it was the best fit, just that it was an okay one for the time being (which I have learned is rather outdated advice from a different era). I knew I was interested in research, wanted to teach in my areas of expertise, and desired to be engaged in real projects for surrounding communities. I was offered a position that met all of those criteria, and I took it.
As a woman in the academy, I had my own expectations for my career. I was often dismayed when I saw women quit their degree programs, or end up outside of academia. I felt very strongly that the best way to change academia was from the inside out, that we needed more women in roles of leadership and influence, and I was called to be one of them. Colleagues affirmed this calling when I was elected president of the faculty women’s group within my national academic association. It seemed as if my influence was growing in the way I had hoped and expected.
All of these expectations that I had for myself and for other female academics set the stage for intense disappointment when I faced the fact that I was increasingly unhappy in academia. I felt pulled in too many directions that I didn’t want to take. Doors of opportunity that at first seemed open were slammed shut. Bitter and disillusioned, I faced an identity crisis. After working so hard to achieve and excel, why wasn’t this life in academia what I expected? Isn’t this what God wanted me to do? He had given me this calling and these talents, after all.
When I started the faculty leadership program, I was finally ready to look past my superficial goal of tenure based on the trifecta of research, teaching, and service, and instead reflect on what I was really passionate about doing with the talents and desires God has given me. This was exactly the time I needed, and I was surprised by my painful conclusions. It turned out I had tremendous passion for my field that had been suppressed and suffocated by a long list of responsibilities. These passions — policy research, innovation, and impact — really hadn’t changed much since I decided to pursue a PhD. Rather than further these passions, however, my tenured job (and others I had pursued) was crowding them out. My calling hadn’t changed, rather, my academic position had become an obstacle.
It was painfully obvious to me that I needed a change. Teaching had lost its joy. Research and writing had ground to a halt. Service had become a burden. None of it was transforming my discipline and field in the ways I expected and wanted. And I was working too hard to the detriment of my family already.
So I did the unthinkable. I got tenure and resigned just a few weeks later, without another position lined up. To some, it may have seemed like a reactionary response to some temporary set-backs. In reality, it was a well-orchestrated journey crafted by an omniscient God — one with enough rejection to cause me to change course and adequate affirmation to propel me forward. Gracious family, friends, and colleagues helped cushion my landing outside the academy as I launched my own research consulting firm in pursuit of my passions.
Since leaving academia a year ago, I have talked with many women considering academic positions or already in them who are wondering if academia is right for them. Before embarking on my own journey, I would have had a hard time envisioning an alternate future for them. Now, it is clear to me that a PhD can lead wherever God wants it to.
Corianne Payton Scally was a professor of urban planning and public policy at a public state university for seven years, where she received tenure. After running her own research consulting firm for the past year, she and her husband and two children are relocating to the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area so she can pursue her passions, which include affordable housing and community development policy and implementation, at a national research organization.
Our mentors offer their best advice as an assistant professor considers the costs, benefits, and strategies of traveling to academic conferences while raising her young family.